Emotional Numbness in Depression: How to Keep Going When You Feel Nothing
Emotional numbness can make even the people you love and the things you care about feel impossible to respond to.
I know this version of depression. Sometimes my depression makes everything hurt. Other times, I experience what I call “the emptiness.” I lose access to the feelings that usually give me a reason to do anything.
Why Emotional Numbness Wipes Out Motivation
Much of our motivation comes from wanting to experience something good or get relief from something painful. When those feelings disappear, the reasons to act become harder to access. Anhedonia, the loss of interest or pleasure, can make even familiar activities feel unrewarding.
You might know that seeing a friend usually helps, yet feel no interest in making plans. Without that emotional pull, even a small decision can take deliberate effort.
I’ve found three strategies that help me function through the emptiness. They take effort, and I still need time to feel better. They help me keep my life intact while I’m struggling.
Act on Your Values When You Cannot Rely on Feelings
When I feel empty, waiting to want something leaves me stuck.
So I focus on the kind of person I want to be and choose an action that fits. My values give me a reason to act when enjoyment and relief feel unavailable.
I’m a father of two, and I want to play with my kids while they still want to play with me. Usually, I enjoy that. During some periods of depression, I feel very little, even with them. That’s difficult to admit.
But my desire to be a present father remains. I play with them because that relationship matters to me, even when I can’t feel the enjoyment I normally would.
Your version might be feeding your pet, returning a friend’s message, or spending five minutes with your child. Choose something small enough for the energy you actually have.
Give Your Future Feelings a Say
I’ve learned that I can care later about choices I felt nothing about while making them.
When my feelings return, I’m grateful for time spent with my kids. I can also regret opportunities I missed.
Try letting that longer view guide one decision today. A meal eaten, an appointment kept, or a message answered can mean something to you later, even if completing it feels empty now.
Treat Yourself Like an Organic System: Sleep, Movement, and Nutrition
Your body still needs sleep, movement, and nutrition during emotional numbness. I’ve had days when even chewing food seemed like too much effort.
Your brain is part of that body. Expecting yourself to work through the emptiness while neglecting those needs adds another difficulty to an already exhausting experience.
Make Nutrition Easier to Manage
Start with whatever makes eating more manageable. Keep food available that requires very little preparation. Soup, yogurt, a sandwich, or a ready meal can reduce the work involved. Give yourself permission to use convenient options.
Give Sleep a Consistent Routine
With sleep, choose a manageable routine you can repeat, such as getting up around the same time and giving yourself a consistent opportunity to rest.
Keep Movement Within Reach
Movement can be brief, too. Walk to the end of your street or spend a few minutes moving around your home. You may feel no immediate improvement. These actions still meet needs your body continues to have. Make them easier wherever you can.
Keep Showing Up for People and Hobbies
Emotional numbness can make relationships and hobbies seem pointless. I’ve withdrawn from people because I couldn’t feel their care, then later understood what I had pulled away from.
Keep some contact with people you trust. You can say, “I’ve been feeling pretty disconnected lately. I might be quiet, but I’d still like to spend some time together.”
Keep Contact With People You Trust
A shorter visit or a quiet conversation still gives you time together. You can adjust how you participate to what you can manage today.
Give Hobbies Time to Feel Rewarding Again
Let hobbies take less effort as well. Play one song instead of practicing for an hour. Spend five minutes with something you used to enjoy, without requiring yourself to enjoy it today. I often need time to reconnect with an interest after being away from it.
I can’t tell you exactly when your feelings will return. Mine have returned after periods when I struggled to believe they could. For today, choose one manageable act of care. Eat something, answer someone, or spend a little time with what matters to you. You can give yourself that care while feeling very little.
(If this post hit home, you’ll probably connect with my new book, The Light Between the Leaves. It’s a practical guide for the days when “try harder” stops working.
-Scott
Want practical tools for navigating life with depression and anxiety, delivered right to you every week?
Resources.
If your brain has never felt like it’s on your side, I wrote this for you.
Get my book, The Light Between the Leaves
This book is for those suffering with depression and feeling unseen and helpless,
I see you because I was you.
Get my book, For When Everything is Burning.
FAQ
Q. Does asking someone about suicide make them more likely to do it?
No. Research summarized by NIMH indicates that directly asking about suicidal thoughts does not cause or increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. Asking clearly can help identify someone who needs support.
Q. What should I say when someone tells me they are suicidal?
Take what they are saying seriously. Listen without judgment, ask directly about suicide, and avoid debating whether they “should” feel this way. Statements such as “I’m glad you told me” and “I want to understand what’s happening” can keep the conversation open while you help connect them with support. 988 similarly recommends being direct, listening, remaining nonjudgmental, and avoiding lectures or glib reassurance.
Q. Should I leave someone alone if they are suicidal?
If someone says they intend to kill themselves or appears to be in immediate danger, do not leave them alone. Seek emergency or crisis assistance and involve another trusted person when appropriate.
Q. Can I call 988 about someone else?
Yes. In the United States, 988 encourages people concerned about a friend or loved one to contact the Lifeline for guidance and information about available resources.
Q. What should happen after the immediate suicidal crisis passes?
Keep following up. Supportive ongoing contact after a suicidal crisis or discharge from care can play an important role in suicide prevention. Help the person stay connected with professional care and follow through on the practical support you promised.
Comments