There’s a reason therapy often makes you feel worse before it helps you feel better. Good therapy doesn’t just hand you relief—it helps you start dismantling the coping mechanisms you’ve been relying on to get through life. The problem is that part usually kicks in before you’ve had time to build new ones. Suddenly, everything hurts more. You’re wide open. And it’s overwhelming.

At this point, you’ve got two choices: move forward into the unknown, or turn back to what feels safe, even if it’s been slowly breaking you down. Most people turn back. Not because they’re weak, but because they never knew this moment was coming or that it was part of the process.

That low point has a name. I call it the Valley of Despair, and I’ve been through it myself. I’ve walked alongside others who’ve had to face it. And I’ve seen that real mental health recovery often starts right here, when everything feels like it’s falling apart.

Stage One: “I’m Fine”

This is where most people begin. Not because they are fine, but because saying it feels safer than admitting what’s actually happening. You tell yourself and maybe others that you’re okay. Meanwhile, something inside you knows that’s not the full story.

You might feel like something’s wrong with you, but you don’t have the language for it yet. You just feel broken, different, isolated. The first step forward is often getting a name for what you’re going through. A diagnosis. A community. That moment when you realize you’re not the only one, it can change everything.

Stage Two: “I Might Not Be Fine”

Once you have that name, something shifts. You start to admit, at least to yourself, that something needs to change. But now you’re in unfamiliar territory. You don’t yet know what to do with this information. You have the diagnosis, but not the roadmap.

This is where information and strategy matter. You begin asking the right questions: What does this mean for me? What needs to change? What are my options for treatment, support, and growth? You’re starting to face things clearly. That alone takes real courage.

Stage Three: “I Am Not Fine”

This is the hardest part. The Valley of Despair. The moment you truly drop the mask and acknowledge just how heavy this has all become. You know what’s going on now. But you’re unsure whether you can actually face it, whether you’re strong enough to do what it takes.

Everything feels stripped down here. No denial left to hide behind. What helps is seeing that others have walked through something similar and made it out. Group therapy can be powerful here because it reminds you that you’re not the first person to feel this way. And if they made it through, maybe you can too.

The most important thing now is not retreating. The pain might tempt you to turn back. But if you can stay in it just a little longer, if you can keep moving forward, you’ll eventually reach higher ground.

Stage Four: “I Might Be Fine Someday”

You start to climb. It’s slow. It’s tiring. But something in you begins to believe that you’re capable of real healing. That doesn’t make it easy. You still wrestle with doubt. You second-guess yourself. But you’re moving.

The key here is pacing. You don’t need to sprint. If you rush, you risk slipping back. Focus on steady, consistent progress. That’s how you keep gaining ground. Confidence builds gradually. Give it the time it needs.

Stage Five: “I’m Fine, For Real This Time”

Eventually, the climb gets easier. Your tools work. Your lows still come, but they don’t flatten you. They’re manageable. What used to control your life is now something you know how to navigate.

That’s where I am with my depression. It still shows up now and then. It’s frustrating. But it’s not running the show anymore. And that’s enough. That’s fine, in the real, hard-won sense of the word.

Getting better doesn’t mean never struggling again. It means knowing how to keep going when you do. Mental health recovery is about endurance, self-awareness, and showing up for yourself even when it’s hard.

If you’re in that valley now, just know this: it’s not endless. You don’t need to rush. You just need to keep walking.

-Scott

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