Why Your Brain Fights Change and How to Override the Pattern
- Dr. Scott Eilers, PsyD, LP
- 4h
- 3 min read
If it feels like your mind is fighting you every time you try to change something important in your life, you’re not imagining it and it’s not your fault. Your brain doesn’t care about your happiness. Its only job is survival.
And the fastest way it keeps you “safe”? Sameness.
Progress requires change. Change signals risk. And risk is exactly what your brain is wired to avoid even when the life you’re stuck in is draining you. That’s why you can stay in patterns that clearly don’t work: your brain prioritizes the familiar over the functional.
Neuroplasticity tells us the brain can change but it rarely does until it feels safe. That’s where belief systems come in. They’re the internal rules your mind uses to predict danger, even when none exists.
Step 1: Spot the Belief System Running the Show
Belief systems are mental shortcuts not truths built from old experiences.
If you were shut down, ignored, or rejected in high school, your brain may turn that into:
“I’m not good with people.”
“I’m too much.”
“People like me don’t succeed.”
Then, when you’re about to take a step, speak up, apply, try again, that old file pops open and stops you. Not because it’s true, but because it’s familiar.
Start here:
What’s the sentence that shows up when you hesitate?
Write it down. Naming it turns it from a “fact” into a belief. That’s the first crack in the wall.
Step 2: Stop Feeding It the Wrong Evidence
Avoidance reinforces belief systems. Every time you don’t send the email or avoid the conversation, the belief grows stronger. Your brain then begins scanning the world for “proof”:
Someone ignores a text? See, you’re not worth bothering with.
Someone cuts you off? People don’t respect you.
This is how a belief becomes a worldview not through big moments, but through constant misinterpretation.
When something uncomfortable happens, ask:
“Is there another accurate interpretation?”
Not a delusional one, an accurate one.
Step 3: Test the Narrative With a Real Action
Belief systems don’t shrink through insight. They shrink through contradicting evidence.
Think you’re unlovable? Have one genuinely kind interaction.
Think you can’t succeed? Take one small step toward a skill or path you want.
These are not “small.” They’re belief-breaking events.
Collect enough of them, and the old narrative can’t survive.
Step 4: Say It Differently (Even in Your Head)
Language rewires the belief system.
Instead of:
“I wasn’t good enough.”
Try: “We weren’t a good fit.”
Instead of:
“I failed.”
Try: “I learned something I’ll use next time.”
Precision neutralizes shame. Accuracy creates psychological safety.
Safety creates neuroplasticity. Over time, your internal language becomes cleaner and the old beliefs loosen.
The Real Reason Change Is Hard
Your brain won’t give you permission to change. But you don’t need permission.
Change begins when you challenge the stories that were formed in fear not truth. One moment, one decision, one contradiction at a time.
Start with the belief that shows up first. Call it what it is: an old pattern.
Don’t wait to feel ready.
And when that belief returns and it will, say this:
“This is something I can unlearn.”
(If this post hit home, you’ll probably connect with my new book, The Light Between the Leaves. It’s a practical guide for the days when “try harder” stops working.
-Scott
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