The word toxic gets thrown around a lot these days. However, not everything labeled as toxic is inherently bad. Some coping strategies that get dismissed or judged have been more beneficial for my mental health than many “approved” ones.

Living in a headspace where everything appears fine externally can be challenging. There were mornings when I felt like I was failing at life, despite having no real evidence to support that. Some tools that helped me emerge from self-doubt have been called “toxic.”

Challenging Conventional Wisdom

These aren't approaches you’d often see in self-help books or hear about in therapy. They challenge popular wellness advice but have improved my emotional stability and daily functioning. These methods align with my brain chemistry instead of working against it.

Here are four so-called “toxic” behaviors I’ve fully embraced. They have made me mentally stronger, not weaker.

Don’t Validate All Emotions

We’re told to validate every emotion. I understand the intention, but not all feelings need attention. When you struggle with conditions like depression or anxiety, some emotions may not reflect reality.

For instance, there were days when I woke up feeling like my life was a disaster. Yet, upon reflection, nothing external had changed. That feeling wasn’t the truth; it was just neurotransmitters misfiring. In those moments, I had to look in the mirror and assert, “No. That’s not real. We’re not entertaining that today.”

This is not denial. It’s self-protection. It’s about preserving the good in my life and not letting temporary distortions overshadow it.

Working Straight Through Isn’t Always Self-Sabotage

Conventional wisdom says we should take frequent breaks. However, I’ve learned that once I stop, it becomes hard to start again. Breaks don’t always rejuvenate me; sometimes, they interrupt my momentum.

Instead, I prefer working in long, uninterrupted blocks, not just during my job but across various areas of my life—fitness, household tasks, and creative projects. After these focused periods, I take a hard stop and allow myself to be done for the day. No more guilt. No more pressure. Just peace.

Many might view this structure as burnout waiting to happen. However, it’s precisely what keeps me from burning out. When I stay in motion, I continue to move forward. And when I rest, I rest deeply.

Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish—It’s Strategic

There’s a pervasive belief that caring for yourself is indulgent. People often think you should prioritize others over yourself. However, I’ve learned that those I care about don’t benefit from a version of me that’s running on empty.

My wife and kids deserve the best version of me. When I’m exhausted and emotionally flat, it affects everyone around me. My clients feel it too. So, I prioritize activities that nourish my body and mind, such as regular exercise, nutritious meals, and sufficient sleep. Not because I believe I’m more important, but because I want to show up for those who matter most.

Quality over quantity—always.

Physical Exercise as Therapy

When I say the gym is my therapy, I mean it enhances my mental well-being. It’s not a substitute for actual therapy; it’s fully integrated into how I manage my mind.

Without physical activity, I tend to feel foggy, irritable, and unfocused. It’s essential to understand that this isn’t just about fitness—it’s about optimal functioning. My brain operates better when my body is in motion. This is supported by research and felt in my daily experiences.

You don’t need to be perfect to feel better. You don’t need a flawless routine, total balance, or anyone else’s approval. Finding what works for you is critical—even if that approach goes against conventional wisdom.

In the video below, I discuss four controversial yet transformative mental health practices. These practices could help you find stability, showing how traditionally "toxic" behaviors might become powerful tools for your healing journey.

-Scott

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